* THIS IS A STORY

&

2009-03-28T22:01:00.007-07:00

is where i'm going to be for a while; my laptop is broken and all of my pictures are on there, and i've been focusing on writing things anyway. see you. love you. miss you, don't leave me for too long.

hello goodbye

2009-03-16T15:42:00.003-07:00

you could be anybody (but you're not).
you could be nobody (but you're not).
you're you and there isn't a thing in
the world that will change that.
so be proud.

imagine

2009-03-08T11:34:00.002-07:00

sometimes we drive down to the coast, to the simmering sea and the call of the birds and the sound of freedom and we sing, "imagine all the people" and dance around in our bare feet and laugh so hard we scream (scream so hard we laugh). it means something, it all does, the utter senselessness of our existence, running around like we've got nothing to go back to. like heaven will open up and swallow us whole already, because we are so ready, so ready to leave and so waiting for an adventure. "you may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one. i hope someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one."

far from us

2009-02-25T20:07:00.001-07:00

i walked outside into the rain and spun myself a dizzying little circle, wide and graceful and surprising because everyone always remarked upon my perpetual clumsiness, but it was beautiful and perfect to match the sound and heavy beat of the heart of the sky flowing down to the earth, it was like heaven’s letters to us saying it exists and all the flowers, they danced and fell with the spirit of a thousand blistering suns and a million ways the wind blew, the clouds fanned out to the ends of the sea that nobody can really see and the ships rose back to land, my heart felt so light and airy like suddenly we were children running through the grass behind the community park playing hide-and-go-seek inside the cracks of the walls and when i turned back around again in one strange instant you were a completely different person and it was a foreign

world.

i've been missing

2009-02-23T17:44:00.002-07:00

now you know
i need a miracle
a star-crossed lover
an arrow in my heart;
i need a rainy day
and an endless summer
a pocket full of stars.

the places you'd go

2009-02-14T16:07:00.004-07:00

spin around me like a dream
we played out on this movie screen
and i said, did you know i've missed you?
and then you bring me home
and we go to sleep
(this time not alone)
and you'll kiss me in your living room
- but we don't have much room
does anybody really need that room?
because we all need a little bit of
room, to live.

lights turned low

2009-02-13T20:06:00.002-07:00

history is not a series of accumulated events, crossed and laid out like neat little bricks, wars and famines and chaos and corruption. history is the people that remembers it, and use those things to shape the new world.

no one ever knew

2009-02-09T19:53:00.001-07:00

"but you -
you were my
favorite."

ebb and flow

2009-02-07T14:09:00.004-07:00

In periods of rapid personal change, we pass through life as though we are spellcast. We speak in sentences that end before finishing. We sleep heavily because we need to ask so many questions as we dream alone. We bump into others and feel bashful at recognizing souls so similar to ourselves.

douglas coupland

2009-02-07T14:08:00.000-07:00

don't forget that

2009-02-02T18:29:00.001-07:00

meanwhile, the explosive, near-blinding neon lights of Las Vegas, they seem to shimmer and dance their course up into the sky each night to run dizzying circles around the airplanes, laugh and dissolve sweetly into the cooling air, maybe even float their way amongst the stars

(tonight tonight)

2009-01-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

freedom is [ ]

2009-01-23T18:59:00.005-07:00

a lot of sidewalk things we used to write down in our diaries in the vain hopes that someday somebody sometime would care to read all about this generation. kid, she’s never gonna grow up to be much, can’t you see, you can notice it right in the very way she blinks that those eyelids won’t be seeing many useful days after march. may. november. but she will lift those hands and touch the air, stir, it, the way it used to fall all around the world into ashes and rain and love, she will try anyway because hope and oxygen are all we are made of. if stars collide and the world explodes, will you then begin to remember me? the way the epilepsy inducing lights of the street shine down and hit your eyes startling golden neon brown, it stirs up this salty nostalgic taste on one’s tongue for those west coast days and lovely haze nights, doesn’t it?

sleep city

2009-01-23T18:59:00.001-07:00

do you realize,

2009-01-23T18:57:00.001-07:00

adults are only children who pretend they have the world under control.

thank you for your efforts

2009-01-22T16:10:00.001-07:00

stop.
start
again.
run.
pause.
scream.
cry.
laugh.
choke.
gasp.
run.
stop.
breathe.

100

2009-01-19T15:53:00.002-07:00

so i'll tell you the truth, i believe that whatever you do, however you do it - you should create, instead of destroy. 'cause the world will never get too full.

shooting stars into her bloodstream

2009-01-18T11:47:00.001-07:00

i am heaven sent
don't you dare
forget

death of the believer

2009-01-15T20:39:00.002-07:00

all you do all day all week all the time is complain. this and that, things in the world are never the way you want them to be, people in your life don't ever say the right things and you keep pointing out the ugly things in places, to me. i don't want to hear it. do you ever think - that in the future, they will look back on times and say, "remember how great it was in 2009? god, that year was too spectacular for words." they will say "remember [so and so]? she had such a beautiful soul." "remember the way music used to be?" "remember all those beautiful cities?" they will say it and you will give me lost looks and stammer something random, and you will not remember. so stop complaining.

look around.

and don't forget.

flying over america in august -

2009-01-14T20:01:00.004-07:00

(you swear that this was the closest we've ever been, to heaven.)

crystallization

2009-01-10T12:42:00.002-07:00

the rest of the world never sees things quite right. somewhere in there, somewhere there’s a song that people’ll want to remember, and. – you don’t, you don’t write things because you need to, it’s never like that. you write them because the world needs to hear them and you’re just the pen behind the paper and the typeset behind the words and the fragile strings keeping up a kite and the breath of air on a song’s highest note and the colorful flying colors of a revolutionary movement. you’re the one behind the camera, the ever-observant (albeit unobserved) artist, jotting down notes on the ways of the universe because of the simple, clear reasoning that a person can only see their true reflection through the eyes of another. your job is to see things nobody else does, wonderful things, sad things, miraculous things, and bring them to the attention of the general public – of course, the ultimate irony in this is that nobody ever sees you

look how it shines

2009-01-08T19:08:00.001-07:00

but
darling,
the road to nowhere leads you home.

weightless wishing

2009-01-04T20:00:00.002-07:00

i can spin you tales of gold
make you shiver fast and cold
snatch your daydreams from the air
leave them standing so threadbare
but i can show you pretty things
those at which your conscience clings
and then you'll notice, then you'll see
all the things that i can be

there's something about

2009-01-03T12:01:00.000-07:00

california coast

wherever you are,

2008-12-24T13:23:00.002-07:00

no matter what. there is always, always some thing to smile about.

happy holidays ♥

blank

2008-12-22T11:30:00.002-07:00

some people see the darkness, and some people see the light. but to really understand something, you have to look at the contrast.

(new jersey in autumn)

2008-12-19T12:32:00.002-07:00

i want to show you beautiful things, sad things, shocking things, wondrous things, ordinary things, impossible things, depressing things, funny things, musical things, lovely things, invisible things, warm-fuzzy-feeling things, give-you-a-heartache-for-days-that-runs-all-the-way-down-from-your-head-to-your-toes things. there are so many things i want to show you, and i'm sure you have some for me, too, and you learn, and i learn, and this is how the world goes 'round.

sleep singing

2008-12-18T22:21:00.000-07:00

heaven sent

2008-12-16T16:32:00.003-07:00

there are lots of ways to die, and you don't get to choose.

living, on the other hand, is entirely in your power. in a world where disasters are random, left up to chance and god and time - don't you want to make the most of your power?

places i'd be

2008-12-14T14:34:00.002-07:00

"life is as confusing as ever," realized the boy with wide, scared eyes.

"well, yes," she told him. "if life wasn't, it would be called death."

shaped into bruises

2008-12-11T17:11:00.000-07:00

he's got a website, one of those ask-a-professional-doctor-for-health-problems things. and every toothache, every complaint of neck stiffness or stomach pain or foot sore, he tells them: "you're dying." in hopes that they'll get scared enough to begin their real lives.

'real eyes realize real lies'

2008-12-10T16:40:00.006-07:00

i guess i could say, you're getting desperate. your words are spilling out at rapidnonstopbreathless speed and every move you make feels restless. you spin. (you crash.) i see it in the way all your sentences begin with "and". because you are getting older, and you are dying one second at a time. you like extremes because they push your limits, and safe = boring every single time you hear it. so you've now got these drugs and these demons and all this raw feeling waiting to be channeled into use; but we're all decaying at the same rate, so who're you trying to race? sit. breathe. relax.

for in this moment
you've got all the life in the world.

closing

2008-12-09T19:57:00.002-07:00

come on, now. you don't wanna live forever. you would never get anything done at all.

thisisthebeauty of fleeting, flying life.

something

2008-12-08T17:58:00.002-07:00

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i, will, try
to fix you

space

2008-12-07T19:10:00.007-07:00

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

and these
are what i call
the best years
of your life.

i know i should be there

2008-12-07T19:00:00.004-07:00

i dare you to listen, and not hear. i dare you to sing, and not speak. dance, instead of walk. kiss, don't frown. persevere instead of plod, and believe instead of simply accepting.

most importantly - don't look. see.

and then he shines

2008-12-04T15:46:00.001-07:00

i wish someone would write my life as a fairy tale.

79

2008-12-02T16:47:00.003-07:00

"do you believe in magic?"
"no"
"why not?"
"because i think there's an explanation to every mystery"
"do you believe in science, then?"
"no"
"why?"
"because i don't think life can always be explained."

"...i don't get it."
"this is what i mean."

history kids

2008-12-02T16:44:00.002-07:00

i believe,
we are all gonna change the world somehow. and i for one, will be so damn proud.

seventy-seven shotglasses

2008-12-01T16:24:00.002-07:00

human beauty will fade. you will grow old and your skin will wrinkle and crack, your shiny hair will all fall out and your teeth will yellow like old piano keys (and it won't be nearly as poetic as even that.) maybe your bones will become brittle and snap off like branches from fake plastic christmas trees you drag out year after year, maybe you will have liver spots and a lopsided smile and permanent bags dragging underneath your eyes.

so when this happens, you get to take out what is inside you and let that shine, through. and i promise
you will still be just as beautiful.

catching

2008-11-24T21:43:00.003-07:00

lately, you've been obsessed with ghosts and it gives me worry lines. because i know. because i have walked there before - it's pretty, isn't it? all dark rich sunsets and white smoke and flashing neon signs that read, paradise. it's mesmerizing until it isn't anymore. so you wake up, some morning, and the smoke's choking you and the sunset's blinding you and the neon is really quite fucking ugly and cheap and tacky and how in the world did you ever want to stay? yeah, this is your new life and i've been through the motions. trust me - the present is so much prettier than you could ever imagine. if you stop talking to your ghosts and breathe.

7five

2008-11-23T18:35:00.004-07:00

beauty is nice.
ugly is interesting.

747474

2008-11-23T18:31:00.003-07:00

"this too, shall pass." only if you want it to.

places you have come to fear the most

2008-11-20T16:59:00.004-07:00

i want to know what you see. when you look at the world. and is it pretty? it is everything you dreamed about?

if not, you can always tell me. i'm here.

heaven to

2008-11-17T18:24:00.001-07:00

you didn't miss me

2008-11-17T18:20:00.002-07:00

it's just, that these are the only things i need to breathe.

70 70 70

2008-11-13T17:28:00.001-07:00

(i miss las vegas 'cause it was far[ther] from home)

anymore, all you'll do is live

2008-11-12T19:59:00.004-07:00

everybody ever born starts out wanting To Be Somebody. and then slowly over the years, people are cut down like the rain forest and packaged into cardboard boxes, and they lose our ambition for the world. and when the majority of the earth is buried beneath everything they used to want - their dreams stowed away like outgrown clothes - we will be sitting at the top of it all, just, laughing. because,

we made it.

60-something

2008-11-11T17:47:00.004-07:00

this can't be healthy for you, seeing the world through a pinprick of light and waking up only to breathe. mustard yellow ain't a good look on your skin. and how come you stand two feet on land and look always like you're drowning? either that or becoming a hot air balloon - so light, so free and getting higher every day till we can't even grab your feet and pull you back down anymore. i don't want to lose you, so please just pull up the blinds.
i can be your sun

happy

2008-11-10T19:05:00.004-07:00

i ~~want~~ ~~miss~~ ~~need~~ love you.

66(6)

2008-11-09T15:38:00.002-07:00

you ever think: what if every day you wake up as someone else? with all their memories and all their past, and what you think is their future ahead. and you don't know. and every day it's the same, every morning you're a brand new soul. each night when the world goes to sleep, lives are tossed up into the atmosphere and thrown at strangers. and death, death is too. and this is how it goes.
and you don't know.
and you never know.
but you take it for granted.

2008-11-06T22:22:00.004-07:00

when you sleep, the world just might be enough for you. it pulls through, at least, with all its diamond promises and stuff. (then you wake up - but it's okay because you just fall back under the covers.)

my dad comes home tomorrow for a while, i miss(ed) him. i'm going to downtown phoenix on saturday, probably taking shitty pictures that don't do the city justice (even as it's so ugly, after all) and sitting in guitar stores for hours feeling cold metal against my fingertips, rubbing them dark black raw. it's 10:24. i have this paper cut on my left hand, and there're no more band-aids in my house, and today i spilled lemon juice into it.
it hurt.

my computer is dying. i want a thousand dollars to drop out of the rain and hit me atop the head so i can miraculously buy a macbook. oh well

&etc; life goes on

sixty-four

2008-11-06T17:58:00.000-07:00

but you said, "i'm giving up. it's nowhere to be found."

and your dreams said "keep looking, idiot" and slapped you in the face.

sixty-three

2008-11-05T15:58:00.004-07:00

you smoke eight cigarettes a day.

there's this building on 7th street in the city, and on mondays through sundays you sit inside and, waste. you press down keys on a machine and talk to people on the telephone. at twelve forty-five, you order a chicken and egg sandwich, no dressing. the sun goes down in the evening and you always look, but you never see. later at night, it takes a hundred and twenty-seven more steps to get from the top of the stairs to the parking lot where you get inside your sensible blue toyota and check your lipstick in the mirror.

at eight o'clock sharp every wednesday, your favorite television show about the handsome doctor sleeping with all his interns comes on. you sink onto your white leather armoire, microwave a low-calorie pasta, the kind that's so packaged and processed and frozen that it only tastes like pasta because it says so on the plastic box. which you throw away into the silver trash bin that you empty on tuesday mornings and sunday nights.

once every two months, you drive 6.7 miles to the salon and get an inch of your hair trimmed off and tinted a nice brown color, the kind nobody is actually born with but looks really good in pseudo-artsy photographs. the manicurist there knows when she sees you to get out Lavish Lux Lavender and use lotion with aloe.

you are not dying (yet), but maybe not living, either. no one will remember you.

you smoke eight cigarettes a day.

sixty-two

2008-11-04T22:12:00.003-07:00

hi you, you're awesome. remember this?

sixty-one

2008-11-03T18:18:00.003-07:00

one, two. up down wayside till you vomit. fill you up, drain you out and throw you away. suffocate. breathe, dance outside in hot rain. burn your feet on ice but keep your tongue silent, please, hurricane. swim swim swim the way out. bones. you are stepping on eggshells. this much is obvious: i'm sad. i could not be you. hair comes out in clumps, you. you have got your heart in the right place but i can't say the same for your wandering mind. nobody belongs. toss you up, chain your feet to the ceiling. doesn't. get. much. better. sky's cracking in pieces in my hands; this is how i feel today.

60

2008-11-02T15:34:00.004-07:00

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."

oscar wilde

fifty-nine

2008-11-02T15:30:00.002-07:00

if there is nothing left to die for, then you must start to live for everything.

cincuenta y ocho

2008-11-01T13:16:00.006-07:00

one day i would like to take your hands, and lead you over, and ask your name, and hear your breaths, and fight your fears, and love you unconditionally, and know your dreams, and see you smile, and listen to the rest of your story.

fifty-seven

2008-10-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

contrary to popular belief, there is enough love in the world.
the hard part is finding it.

fifty-six

2008-10-30T19:02:00.003-07:00

impossibility only exists so we can defy it. you and me

fifty-five

2008-10-29T18:22:00.002-07:00

There

54

2008-10-28T21:33:00.003-07:00

http://skycities.livejournal.com/3952.html?mode=reply?
anon enabled. tell me something.

fifty-three

2008-10-28T21:22:00.002-07:00

i will be what i want to be. you can tell me i'm wasting my time, but i'll just tell you you're wasting your breath.

fifty-two

2008-10-27T17:59:00.002-07:00

if you were perfect, you would be boring.

fifty-one

2008-10-27T17:45:00.014-07:00

pull yourself open, outta that nasty old cocoon you've been slipping away within for so long. you say, "this ugly world is out to get me" so you hide and you hide and you hide. who knows how beautiful your wings could be?

fifty

2008-10-26T11:06:00.005-07:00

"dark blue dark blue, alone in a crowded room. and the freeways are just like veins without a heart"

49 | hello

2008-10-24T17:31:00.006-07:00

hi this is my latelatelate introduction to you. this is me. i am a high school sophomore, born in beijing, brought up in los angeles and currently residing in blah bland phoenix arizona. i can't go half a day without music and i tend to annoy english teachers by ignoring all rules of proper writing and grammar. i dislike tradition. my name's Amy and i am composed of atoms and elements and dreams.

i've been waiting awhile
it's really nice to finally meet you.

forty-eight

2008-10-24T17:25:00.003-07:00

now you have two choices: you can take that job in the three by four foot office cubicle and dwindle away forever with statistics and analysis and invisibility seeping through your skin till there's pretty much nothing left. early morning conference and paper coffee cups and the pattern of your silverware being the most important thing in your life.
or, you can not.

forty-seven

2008-10-23T17:21:00.002-07:00

we've got a long way to go

forty-six

2008-10-22T19:15:00.002-07:00

whatever you think i am?
there's a fifty percent chance i'm not.

45

2008-10-21T14:10:00.003-07:00

you are the color that bounces off black (they say it's the absence of light, black is), right back into my eyes. always. i count on it.

forty-four!

2008-10-21T14:02:00.003-07:00

(reflect)

forty-three

2008-10-20T19:29:00.004-07:00

only when you die, will i start to believe in angels.

forty-two

2008-10-19T19:48:00.004-07:00

cuarenta y uno

2008-10-19T10:26:00.002-07:00

you see what you see what you see what you see what you think you see, which you believe in beyond a shadow of a doubt. on the other side of the curtain, they see what they want to see, too. you are not one person; you are sixty million sides of a rainbow prism.

forty 0

2008-10-17T18:15:00.005-07:00

the new millennium is called Decay. its slogan is Fast Shiny New and the drug of choice is television. killing is second nature, pollution is okay and destruction's kind of pretty, as long as we're happy today.
a material world, and/or machine

thirty-nine

2008-10-16T16:41:00.003-07:00

this is it. here's the rest of your life, all color schemed out for you.

thirty-eight

2008-10-15T20:54:00.005-07:00

do you remember dancing in front of the mirror with a hairbrush, pretending you were a princess? i still do it

thirty-seven

2008-10-15T20:46:00.002-07:00

"dear jack
you were the fire.
you were the kid against the world
the world somehow couldn't hold you down"

(36)

2008-10-14T21:56:00.007-07:00

abracadabra, this is your life's second chance. Big Moment to Shine, so don't let me see you waste a thing.

thirty-five

2008-10-13T18:32:00.004-07:00

so i am writing you a song
and it's got no rhyme, no thought
blank like your smile, dead like your heart.
bullets wouldn't save anyone now
don't you know, what we live in?
hurricane streets and blister moons
that fall fall fall up
and die down, till they reach
us; look at us
we are stupid 11:11 that means nothing in the end.
shooting up stars and wishing on bones
; but spare me all this melodrama

the ghosts that h(a)unt you, night and night.
splinters
and stitches
and scissors.

i'm done
do you know what today is?
the song will keep on moving.

thirty-four

2008-10-11T18:13:00.006-07:00

sorry i write so much in here; it's probably just this constant desperation for attention and fear of closure and obvious boredom and nagging sadness and lack of peace in this house and x mental disorder i have. i know you're sick of me, sorry again

thirty-three

2008-10-11T17:35:00.005-07:00

"Art is the most beautiful deception of all! And although people try to incorporate the everyday events of life in it, we must hope that it will remain a deception lest it become a utilitarian thing, sad as a factory. ... Let us not disillusion anyone by bringing too much reality into the dream."

achille claude debussy, 1913

thirty-two

2008-10-10T17:24:00.002-07:00

http://www.sendspace.com/file/2xiun4

i wrote you a fifty second song, wanna hear?

thirty-one

2008-10-10T12:41:00.002-07:00

throughout your entire life, you're always looking for something that isn't there. and that's a good thing, because what would happen if you found it?

thirty zero

2008-10-10T12:40:00.003-07:00

when you see me, you will know.

twenty-nine

2008-10-09T16:28:00.003-07:00

listen up. i need to tell you something:

nobody
ever
in
the
world
has the power
to make you feel
worthless.

twenty-eight

2008-10-09T07:44:00.001-07:00

and in your defense, people like me are hard to find. but then i guess you just haven't looked hard enough.

twenty-seven

2008-10-09T07:39:00.003-07:00

oxygen:lungs as this:you.

twenty-six

2008-10-07T21:04:00.000-07:00

i'm not a normal kid. no one's a normal kid. trust me.

twenty-five

2008-10-07T16:33:00.005-07:00

tiptoe over dreams, but crash code into the future. i want you to spiral out of control, dizzy dizzy dizzy up your head till you actually do see straight. jump out the plane and break every brittle bone you've got, walk under water and choke your cancer lungs out; you'll get the hang of it. this is what you have to do. save yourself.

change.

twenty-four

2008-10-06T18:36:00.003-07:00

there is a story he is a story you are a story this city is a story we are a story

the scary thing is that we don't know how ours ends. the good thing is that we don't know how ours ends.

twenty-three

2008-10-06T18:14:00.003-07:00

i'm pretty sure: you are only invisible if you wish to be. that's the way these things work, kid.

twenty-two

2008-10-05T20:40:00.005-07:00

sweet twenty-two, you are jaded and sad. friends found out about the drugs, school kicked you out and mom doesn't love you anymore. nowadays i find you hugging broken bricks in bad alleys, selling virtue for sin and wondering how the fuck anything ever happened. i take your hand, pull you out of there. i say "so c'mon, i've built this time machine. let's go back to innocence. let's go back to neverland."

twenty-one

2008-10-05T09:47:00.005-07:00

mirrors become windows. inside each backwards pane of glass lives a whole new dimension

twenty

2008-10-05T09:44:00.004-07:00

you're significant. okay?

nineteen

2008-10-04T13:17:00.006-07:00

let's find our way to neverland

eighteen

2008-10-04T13:16:00.001-07:00

all you can do, really, is remember. and remember. and remember. and that will probably be enough.

seventeen

2008-10-03T22:07:00.004-07:00

i have beautiful friends
it's not as nice as you think.